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Oakwilt Elementary School
A Dare Not to Discipline,
Ain’t Great to Hate School
Dear Parents,
Greetings Oakwilt Osprey! As Principal, let me be the first to welcome you back.
First, an important reminder that we are a nut-free school. We ask that you respect the manifold allergies and sensitivities of our students by also not sending gluten, milk, meat, vegetable, or fruit products in your child’s lunch box. And due to one student’s extreme Polynomial Phobia, we will be avoiding math or anything numerical in the classroom. You can take this matter up with the school board if you have any concerns.
In your child’s daily contact binder, please locate the 75-page parent packet which needs to be completed and turned in by tomorrow. A parent homework training packet is to follow. You will need to take the online “Homework Helper” training course and pass the test by the end of the week. At Oakwilt, we strongly believe in parent involvement. Using the “Free-Form” teaching method, our teachers like to spend each day gently introducing the idea of learning to your children, while you are urged to follow up with full instruction and testing at home. All textbooks are online, so please log in to the website for each book and begin familiarizing yourself with the material.
In other housekeeping, if you pre-ordered a packet of school supplies, your child has received them and will already need some name-brand replacement items. (Please avoid prolonged skin contact with the provided erasers!) Your child’s teacher will provide you with an additional 50-item supply list specific to class needs. A big shout-out to Suzie Golden for coordinating school supplies!
Speaking of Suzie Golden. If you haven’t already met her, Suzie is our Parent Or Teachers Together for You (PoTTy) President. Suzie is in charge of volunteer sign-ups. She will stand posted at the entry/exit door for the first two weeks of school, where she will work tirelessly to steer you to a volunteer slot that you are best suited for. Be assured there is a place for everyone. However, certain preferred positions have been pre-assigned by Suzie Golden. If you desire one of these slots, you can attend the thrice-weekly PoTTy meetings throughout the year to discuss it. For those of you with jobs or other conflicts, let me remind you that the direction of your children’s future is in your hands. As we like to say at Oakwilt, put aside your own needs, be it financial or otherwise, and always “Konsider your Kids” first! We feel it is never too early to instill a healthy dose of parental guilt.
(As a side note, please do not approach Suzie Golden, unless your presence has first been acknowledged by her. Also, unless you are Suzie Golden, do not ask for a change in classroom placement. Class assignments were determined through super-secret testing and formulas which are not available for your viewing. Unless you are Suzie Golden.)
We believe each child who walks in the door at Oakwilt is perfect just the way he or she is, and we wouldn’t dream of asking a student to change. Our teachers will happily accommodate all student misbehaviors and outbursts by asking parents to step in, while they take a “refreshment” break. We are a place where children form lasting friendships. As such, “best friend” proclamations and bullying behaviors such as hugs and high-fives are not allowed. In an effort to focus on social skills, there will be no talking allowed at lunch. Since we are achievement-oriented, we do not assign grades but instead employ a scale of slightly-varied happy faces. We want to create in each student a desire to succeed. So please remind your child not to brag about receiving a double-smiley on a paper.
If you have any further questions or needs, please know that I have an “open” door policy, and parents are always welcome, provided that they have a current parent pass and that they enter the building during the prescribed five minute time period allotted daily. If you need a pass, you may apply with Prunella Crabbs in the front office. She will require three forms of ID, an FBI background check, two letters of reference, and a bottle of Boone’s Farm.
Once again, I welcome you to Oakwilt. I can’t wait to wave you on in the car line. Keep those cars moving expeditiously along east to west. And have a great year!
Your Principal,
Mrs. Snootwell